It has taken me SO. MANY. YEARS… to stop controlling my life long enough to hear God say, “You are “OUT” of control and that’s exactly where I need you to be.” It’s in our absolute SURRENDER, our all-consuming brokenness, our “I have NOTHING left”, that God can show off His strength, His power, His plan and purpose, in the most beautiful and awe-inspiring ways.
WOMAN OF WONDER
I love stories about the faithfulness of God! This story I am about to share is one such story. During the most painful four years of my life, which I spent desperately begging God to make me a mother, I promised God that if He would come through for me, I would use every opportunity I had to tell the world this story of His faithfulness. I am now the very proud momma of the two, most incredible children to have ever lived in this world (and yes, I believe that with every fiber of my being). God did way more than “come through” for me! This is His story of how the Sansoni family came to be!
Like many couples, my husband Ian and I had huge dreams of having children one day. We began dating in 2001, when I was in high school, and he was my sweetheart. Our very first conversation included our individual dreams of becoming parents, number of children we hoped for, and even our desires to adopt a child at some point in our lives. Looking back, this was a huge indicator to me that this was the man God had for me to marry, though I didn’t realize that until much later. We went off to college, dated for four years, got married in 2005 and settled into our new life and careers that we loved. In 2009, we decided we were ready to add children to our family. This began the most difficult season of our lives.
So, have you ever felt like you were just completely and utterly at the end of yourself? Like you had absolutely nothing left? I believe God used this season of my life to bring me to this place. It was rough. Actually, it was excruciating. I would never want to go back to this season. But I had to walk through this to get to the other side- the place of miracles, answered prayers, and more than I had ever dreamed of in becoming a mother! We tried for years to get pregnant with absolutely no success. After four years of unexplained infertility (END of ourselves in family planning), a failed fertility treatment/IUI (END of ourselves in more control of the family planning) and no answers whatsoever (END, just total END of ourselves as we knew it), we started to talk about our desires to pursue ADOPTION! (Remember that very first conversation I ever had with my husband when I was just 18?) I now believe that those four years of us trying to get pregnant were God’s “delay tactic” to be sure we were in the right place at the right time (literally) to be matched with the children HE had chosen for us! Oh, how thankful I am for that!
In 2013, we began the wildest journey of our lives, thinking we had NOTHING left- no tears, no joy, not a single prayer, and not a single person who fully understood the pain we were walking through. And again, this is exactly where God needed us to be. BROKEN. VULNERABLE. SEEKING. OPEN. DESPERATE for HIS plan. Finished making plans of our own. It was THEN, upon our complete and total surrender, realizing God just HAD to do a work- HE HAD TO COME THROUGH if we were meant to have children, that the miracles started happening.
Over the course of the next four years, God united us with our daughter, Mylania Faith, and our son, Adrian Taylor. Oh, how I could tell stories of their births for DAYS! Our children are biological siblings, have the same birthmother AND birthfather, are two years apart in age, but we adopted each of them at BIRTH! Let that sink in!!! There are SO many specific answers to our prayers that could be inserted here, but I’ll save that for another time.
Mylania’s adoption expenses were paid almost entirely by an anonymous MIRACLE giver (who actually knew NOTHING about our plan to adopt and sent a check to us before we even decided to pursue adoption….CRAZY)! We spent what we could on the home study, took one step at a time, and GOD DID THE REST! Two years later, we were again facing a financial mountain (insert END of our finances), as we awaited Adrian’s birth. This time, God REALLY showed off by sending Al Roker (THE Al Roker from NBC’s TODAY SHOW) to our house to present us a check for $25,000 to pay our adoption expenses. If that wasn’t amazing enough, they even covered the TAXES! You can watch that whole story here: Sensoni’s on the Today Show!
If I wasn’t there every step of the way to see God answer our prayers in such undeniable ways, I may not even believe it myself!!
My children are the most evident, tangible proof of God’s unconditional love in my life. Even on the most difficult days, and yes, we have those….when I look at Mylania and Adrian I see living, breathing, undeniable proof that God is faithful. He is loving. He can be trusted. His plans are so much greater than ours. He will not fail. He wants you to surrender everything you are, everything you have planned, and everything you dream for, because He knows exactly what you need and will give you the things that will make your heart soar! Maybe not the way you expect, and most likely, in a way that is exponentially more beautiful than you imagine!
It has taken me SO. MANY. YEARS……to stop controlling my life long enough to hear God say, “You are “OUT” of control and that’s exactly where I need you to be.” It’s in our absolute SURRENDER, our all-consuming brokenness, our “I have NOTHING left”, that God can show off His strength, His power, His plan and purpose, in the most beautiful and awe-inspiring ways. There is so much freedom in being “OUT” of control. Not “out of control”. Just “OUT” of control. No longer in control. Living in full submission to HIS control. Recognizing that Jesus Christ, the Savior for all mankind, loves ME and works all things for MY good. WOW!
To my sisters who have taken precious time to read these words: I don’t know what journey you are walking today. You may be in the valley, in the midst of great pain, or questioning if God is even real. For a long time, I avoided blogs just like this one. It was too painful to hear the stories of God’s faithfulness and how He gave the blessing of children to seemingly everyone but me. I have been there. I have longed for children that I doubted would ever come. I know the pain of infertility. I know the pain of infant loss. You see, in the midst of celebrating our two miracle children, my husband and I have also lost three pregnancies. Our hearts have grieved for three children who we will not meet until we meet Jesus face to face. I know that life is so hard. I don’t know what you are facing today. But I know that you are NOT alone. God has not abandoned you and He has a plan just for YOU. When you are broken, He’s got a LOT to work with. When you are empty, HE can fill you. When you’ve got NOTHING, He is your EVERYTHING. When you are fully “out” of control, HE is completely IN control! I love the New Living Translation of 2 Corinthians 12:9, which reads, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
Well, I’ve still got a few parts of me left to surrender, and I’ll bet you do too! No one knows about these parts except YOU! You can hide them, you can fake it that you have given up control of these areas of your life and these parts of your heart, but God knows where you’re still holding on. He loves you and He is patient and kind enough to allow you to come to surrender these areas WILLINGLY. He will never force you to submit your life to Him. But His undying love for you wants nothing more than to trust Him wholeheartedly, free-fall into His grace, set your plans on a shelf, and say, “God, I’ve got NOTHING. I am “OUT” of control.” For this, dear friend, is when the MIRACLES will begin to happen in your life.
May God bless you always, in every season, and every step on your journey!
If you would like to reach out and connect with Jendi, she would love to hear from you here: jendisansoni
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